Struggle resolved

The truth is, I have struggling with this green smoothie and juice regimen for a few days now. I must acknowledge and publicly say that the fault is not in the program, as surely as the proof is not always in the pudding. After all, I have attempted to follow a juice feasting program, and I still don't even have a juicer! Every day I have been eagerly awaiting my new shiny super duper juicing machine, but it has been, yet again, delayed, and is not coming till the beginning of the next week. The juice feaster's guide calls for 4 litres of freshly squeezed vegetable and fruit juice, with a big emphasis on juice from green vegetables; it also advices you that if you still feel hungry after you had those 4 litres to have more. And what have I been doing? I have been having a pint of green smoothie for breakfast and then about a litre of mostly fruit juices during the day, with some Master Cleanse put in for a good measure, and maybe, but only a maybe, a green smoothie for dinner if I was really hungry. This is not a feast but a fast and I have been almost consistently hungry for a few days now. And I don't mean having a sweet tooth. I really mean rumbling tummy.

Don't get me wrong. I feel great, and I am loving the weight loss. My ribs are happily sticking out above my waist, from which I have lost 5.5 centimeters. In just over two weeks! My face is more defined, my skin looks more toned and healthy despite a few very discreet detox bumps and spots, and my eyes are much clearer. Cooked Husband is dropping praises and so are my girlfriends, and I am happily basking in them. But I cannot sustain this any longer while living a normal life in busy, loud and poluted London. I would need to take this kind of program somewhere pristine and clean and calm and quiet, with time for journalling and reflection. And at the moment, I don't have that space. So after many days of pondering about it and about how people are going to be disappointed and let down (and some of them no doubt satisfied), I am going to start eating again. But only until the juicer arrives, then I will have another go at the real juice feasting!

There, I said it.

Breakfast:

3 pears

2 apples

1 banana

closed fistful of parsley

1 courgette

1 handful young rocket

1 handful baby red chard

I drank this on the patio, in the sunshine, while chatting with Denise about life, how it is now, and how we would like it ot be in the future. We talked about how we both love meeting on Tuesday morning for yoga and green breakfast, then doing some blogging, writing and translating during the day, working from home. No boss to shout at us, no tube to ride to the office, no given time for a break, just enjoyment and happiness. We both wonder how realistic this is. For me, at the moment, Tuesday is a day of work, because I am not needed at my office, and for her, this is her second months trying to make it on her own, freelancing. So we do not know how long it will last. What we do know is that we would like to live like this. And that there is no reason why we shouldn't. We want to work, we just want to do it in the way that fullfills us. Is it too much to ask? I am sure everybody out there, even the biggest workaholic, has a little dream inside them, that wants to come out and become a reality. Reality, that would make that person much happier and balanced, and in that way a much nicer person to be around, in many a case. And this is my vision for the future of the world. Don't you think that if everybody is doing what they trully believe in the world will become a much better place with a much more optimistic future? Let me know your thoughts!

Lunch:

1 mango

gel from 2 inches fresh aloe vera, which we were given last week while visiting the Earthship in Brighton

large handful of kale

water

I had a pint of this and my stomach felt empty in a couple of minutes. So I took the leftover pint and blended it with two bananas - now THAT was filling.

Snack:

a few brazil nuts

A note of causion here. I have not been strictly juice feasting, and so I feel quite ok to eat some dried fruit or nuts, but still I shall not over do it. If you are reading this blog as an inspiration, but you have been only drinking juice for a few days, you must break the feast properly, slowly and carefully. Have a look at Juice Feasting website for help.

Dinner:

salad from

baby tomatoes

cucumber

red and green pepper

few raw olives

soaked arame seaweed

olive oil and lemon juice

During the day I drank two large mugs of fruit tea and about a litre of water. I feel much better now... are you glad to hear it?

First words

So...

A few hours ago I landed back in UK after spending a week skiing in the French Alps. I was supposed to work on the first blog post while there, but instead I spent all days outside, gliding down beautiful white hills, grinning madly because the sun was shining and I felt happy and exhilarated and free. I figured there was enough time for blogging when I got back to polluted London where I am more then happy to hide at home with a green smoothie at hand.

As for this blog and it's name... My experience with raw food in the past year was often anything but graceful. I had two or three a-few-weeks-at-a time-long experiences on purely raw vegan food and I felt AMAZING. At the same time, there were many bowls of rice pudding and starchy pasta followed by wondering why, but WHY!? have I left the 'raw' wonder behind yet again. There were headaches and stomach upsets and moments of clarity and moments of despair (mostly with myself). But I tried not to make myself suffer more then is necessary, especially in a world where others do it for us often enough. And so I forgave myself, and moved on - which really means I allowed myself to eat cooked and starchy and diary laden food for long enough to remember how bad it makes me feel, and then slowly gathered the strenght to start eating raw again (at least for a while). All this back and forth started to make me feel like it is the stuff in the fridge that holds the rains of my life rather then myself.

I followed several raw food blogs last year including a few raw foodists who decided to join the Global Juice Feast to detoxify and cleanse and regenerate their bodies by eliminating all solid food and living only on fresh vegetable and fruit juices for up to 92 days. Although Juice Feasting sounded rather amazing, I was not sure I would ever be motivated enough to try living just on juice, even if there was to be A LOT of it. Somehow, one year later, it is exactly what I am about to do. I will start tomorrow morning with a few days of green smoothies, and come next Sunday I will be there with my jug and fat straw in hand, ready to rock and roll (and juice for England).

So this is the plan. My commitment to myself is to Juice Feast for at least 40 days, as I still do not feel ready to go all the way to 92 days. As a kundalini yoga practitioner I believe in the power of number 40 - it takes 40 days to break an old habit and begin to create a new one. I see this experience as a chance to reconnect with myself, to relearn to listen to my body, to what it wants, what it needs. It is a new start. I very much hope that by the end of the juicing experience I will no longer be a slave to every (taste)whim of my mind.

Of course all this will be made more interesting (and harder) by the fact that my husband will still need to be fed, and I think I did mention that he is no raw foodist! But I really do feel READY for this challenge. I feel like I need it, and I am looking forward to it.

I will keep a food - or rather a drink - log, and I will share with you what is going on during this time - as honestly as I can. Join me if you like, read about the challenges and successes and crazy stuff if you like, and tell me what you think - just use the comment link.